I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
