my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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