I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
