he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize