Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
