She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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