You just made me feel so damn special
I think I died a long time ago.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
