I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
