After last night, I could never be a politician.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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