every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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