she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
