Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
