i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
