Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
