if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
