I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
