Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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