You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
