after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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