ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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