My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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