took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Randomize
