someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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