I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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