The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
