Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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