Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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