I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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