You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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