my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
