And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
