Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
