I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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