he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
