4 words: hood of his car
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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