We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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