I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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