I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
