Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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