how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
