I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
