Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Farmville is her only friend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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