i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
