Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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