T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
