The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
