I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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