so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
