it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
