I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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