well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
