just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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