i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
