wanna go halves on a baby?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
