Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
