One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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