Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
