Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
