Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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