a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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