i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
